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Cloning Pointy-Headed Cabalists
Academic cabals exist as cults, or cloning mechanisms, (religious groups that have no theology). Moreover, they develop an exclusionist cultural bias by enforcing special group interests through coercive persuasion and power brokerage. Academic cloning manifests in political power, self-aggrandizement, and monetary gain. It destroys inconvenient academic freedom through non-selection and non-promotion of faculty members with nonconformist views. This results in qualitative control by those making judgment. Moreover, it supports a cultic instinct toward conformity that eliminates any inconvenient nonconformity (also honest dissent).1 This insures that cabal members can remain free from critical inquiry and allows them to wallow in their own mediocrity. Subsequently, the conformity destroys any vestige of individuality. The exclusivity forces everyone to become a clone of someone else. It enables those in power to deny freedom of expression to dissenters and allows them to destroy the careers of nonconformists. It also outlaws any behavior that the cabal finds inappropriate. The war cries "inappropriate" and "politically correct" then define synonymously in these totalitarian academic environments.
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In the cabal, tenure results from luck, connivance (collegiality), and in largest measure humiliation. The tenure process requires constant screening of those who have no power, by those who have power, to check that the candidates have suitable clonic spasms. This guarantees preservation of an existing level of mediocrity and, in the process, deprives many deserving individuals of their academic freedom. It also insures clonic job security that has now become the main reason for tenure to exist. Frequently, tenured cabalists control their graduate students by criteria that insure failure for those students unwilling to accept a sycophantic cloning process.
These policies insure very few new PhDs enter the job market to threaten insecure and incompetent faculty members. They certificate those whom they judge to discourse in politically correct terms and to non-certificate others. They control writers to serve the ideological needs of the university administration and, by that, perpetuate the cloning of personnel through censored discourse. Their power derives from language codes and political correctness because they censor statements that do not conform to their standards of acceptance. Consequently, they advocate power to those who define discourse and those that they selectively admit to the cabal.2
These power-mad, pointy-headed perverts shudder when they read about themselves on the Internet. The term "pointy-headed intellectuals" arose after midwives squeezed and molded infant heads at birth.3 They gave special attention to children born to academicians to insure that they appeared intelligent. However, their actions forced the grey matter into a conical shape that produced an excess of egotistical and arrogant behavior. The children found it an advantage in later life because the conically shaped heads allowed them to butt their superiors in the quest for special privileges. However, the procedure had the opposite effect to that intended and has created a generation of academic morons incapable of communicating with anyone outside their own special interest group. Not surprisingly, one can recognize the pointy-heads by the way that they immediately attack true genius.4 For additional identification, they wear pointed black caps that perfectly fit their misshapen heads and give them immediate group identity as dunces. The womyn and womynx among them, because they have superiority, insist upon additional identification to satisfy a need for male pointy-heads to recognize past injustices. In addition to wearing the caps, these amazons viraginously bare their marsupialian, mammary glands. This detracts federal investigators from inquiring into the source of the wealth that they keep in their pouches: wealth acquired from convening academic kangaroo courts that reek vengeance upon unsuspecting males. Now well established as a genus, the pointy-heads have no further need for midwives. They rely entirely upon in vitro cloning for their survival. [Revelation: Womyn and Womynx]
The parent and child relationship has changed since heterosexual procreation through copulation became infra dig. For centuries, educators have thought that this natural act engendered tenderness toward offspring and helped with their education. However, later research into copulatory motivation shows that copulation has no bearing on tenderness. Evidently, the participants have other ideas to occupy their minds during their brief encounter that do not include education in its traditional sense. As a result, children have no indebtedness to their parents for bringing them into the world and, conversely, parents have no responsibility to pay college tuition. Upon this reasoning, parents should least have the responsibility for educating their children. This task should fall, in loco parentis, to professors who have higher learning and intellect.5
Hence, the recent university expansion to embrace all children, regardless of intellectual ability, through a program called affirmative action. Unfortunately, since the introduction of affirmative action, education levels have dropped alarmingly because the learning and intellect of cloned professors has diminished commensurate with an increase in illiterate students. Fortunately, grade inflation temporarily compensates so that everyone obtains a degree, depending upon their political affiliation, subservience, and sycophancy, despite their illiteracy. Now, advanced technology has again solved a human problem with a new type of affirmative action known as AIVF (Academic In Vitro Fertilization) that meets totalitarian criteria.
AIVF uses conically-shaped eggs fertilized outside pointy-headed, human breeders. This egg-producing task usually falls to graduate student womynx who compete to supply the best quality eggs. This supplies the domestic need also a thriving export market. Payment for their gametic services more than repays student loans and current tuition, it also leaves a little money for mutually feminist pursuits. Womyn deans and associate deans who have fallen from grace and returned to their professorial bolt holes then act as incubators. They receive the fertilized eggs which helps them to regain a modicum of collegial respect. Moreover, spending their research time in stirrups insures that they never again occupy an authoritative position. These demoted administrators welcome incubus as light entertainment and perform a valuable service to the academic community.6 They also do not birth unwanted children or indulge in abortion. More importantly, they save the expense of rearing children and the indignities of marriage and copulation.
AIVF technologists remove the eggs from the breeders, place them in a fluid, then add cryogenically-stored sperm purchased from the Mensa semen bank. Mensa guarantees that their semen meets all the specified intellectual criteria and ideological requirements. Eighteen hours later, technicians pass the fertilized eggs through a growth medium then examine the mix for level of intelligence and gender: male, womyn, or womynx. If fertilization has occurred, they then transfer the embryo or bun to a the incubator's conically shaped uterus or oven. Hence the term "bun in the oven." Frequently, they transfer multiple buns so that they will have plenty to exterminate later if they do not meet the ideological mandates of the special interest group that holds the federal grant money.
Another technique involves super ovulation uterine capacitation enhancement. With this process the breeder receives hormone medication that stimulates egg growth in a specific disciplinary orientation, For example, if a particular oligarchy wants to expand its womens' studies department with womynx then special AIVF hormone injections will stimulate aptitude in that discipline and create psychosomatic dependence and sycophancy in the infant.
Bioethics, describe ethical issues in the life sciences and in the study of moral issues in the fields of medical treatment and research. Medical ethics traces its roots to several early codes like the ancient Greek Hippocratic Oath. Academic codes provide a foundation for modern ethics. However, the advent of new reproductive technologies have complicated the moral and societal issues related to assisted reproductive technology (ART). The Roe v. Wade decision by the United States Supreme Court has caused much controversy and discussion on academic personhood and the role that the university should play in ideological reproductive decisions. Particularly, how to dispose of fetuses recognized as having a potential for dissent that do not have the level of brain death prescribed by law for extermination.
Another problem relates to whether breeders and sperm donors should share in future book royalties and consulting fees. Also, what percentage should accrue to university administrators as bonuses for authorizing procedures and covert disposal of dissent fetuses. The debate about euthanasia has raised a host of other ethical and legal questions. Some relate to the competency of those requesting academic termination decisions. Also, whether these decisions should rest entirely with the official who authorized procreation.
AIVF has become increasingly more expensive during the past decade and only major corporations can afford to finance it in collaboration with universities. Another problem arises from distrust of tenured administrators. This distrust has increased because several of them recently provided nerd clones to Microsoft Corporation. This has helped Bill Gates increase his monopolistic stranglehold on the software industry and allowed him to place even more cloned nerds on the University of Washington computer science faculty.
In summary, these technologies have improved upon the midwifery methods used previously, however, a few faculty members have begun to question medical ethics. They feel that academic cloning should only take place after decisions by faculty committees composed of the same genus as the proposed clones and not by administrators. This insures true academic cloning that enriches and gives job security to them without having to pander to the ideologies propounded by their administrators. It could also preserve the tenure system because they propose in vitro academic voting systems as the next stage of AIVF development.
Political correctness demands that cloned offspring take care that what they say, what they think, and what they do, offends nobody. It encourages them to decide issues, not on the evidence or the merits, but based upon the behavior of the oligarchy to which they belong. They then gain suitable rewards as pC clones for following the ideology taught by the oligarch. Eventually, they obtain a worthless sheepskin designating them “pC pointy-headed clone”. [Political Correctness]
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Cloning has moved from the intellectual to the physical. A state family-planning sperm bank in China has confined itself to donors from the academe. It will accept donations only from academics who have achieved at least the rank of associate professor. The agency received many calls from professors willing to donate, however, the agency makes no mention of the academic requirements for women recipients.7 To meet an urgent demand for sperm for its diversity program, University of Washington has developed rainbow sperm that meets pC criteria for Multicultural Academic In Vitro Fertilization (MAIVF).
Parents may wish to submit their daughters for consideration as multicultural breeders and save college expenses. Husbands may wish to grant their deposed wives the privilege and thrill of incubation. Nmesis hopes that his research will encourage university presidents to broaden their minds on this vital subject. He proposes that they apply these cloning principles, in both private and academic life, to increase their income and as an example for the common good.
With enthusiasm, Richard L. McCormick, President, University of Washington, can now submit Suzanne D. Lebsock (his wife) as the first subject for incubation. This will assuage some guilt that he must feel for obtaining her a nepotistic professorship despite her scientific fraud. AIVF will probably provide her and her children with job security when the US Department of Justice eventually indicts her husband for misprision and myriad other crimes. Probably, the family will obtain even more state and federal grant money. Moreover, their daughter may become the first to earn a MacArthur Foundation award for exceptionally creative gametic endeavor. [Oh, What a Tangled Web She Weaves]
Nmesis.
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